years ago i was part of a private torrent tracking site called what.cd. it was primarily for music, but also featured fonts and software. what was known for its high level of knowledge requirements that users needed to meet in order to join, its stringent download : upload ratio rules, and its dedicated community. i was in that community, and i uploaded many albums and downloaded thousands, maintaining a very good ratio. after a few weeks of being a member i was upgraded from user to power user, and was granted access to the special power user forums.
in the power user forums there was a thread called “TMI” and it was a place where people posted things that were too much information, like how their poops had been that day or what their latest drug cocktail was doing to their mental health.
eventually it turned into people sharing their deepest secrets. i posted in that thread for the first time when it was less than a week old, with less than a page worths of comments. within a few months it had a small community of 20 or so regular posters talking about their most deeply concealed thoughts and feelings. it was all pseudo-anonymous.
i posted dozens of comments in that thread, sharing about everything from my masturbation habits to what i’d eaten that day to my personal thoughts on violence and morality. there was a deep sense of community created by the intimacy of the knowledge we were sharing. i remember reading one post by a user who told the story of the first time he had ever felt sexual urges, another user responded with their own story, and the thread spent a few pages talking over our collective journies into sexuality. still another time we spent about a week talking about the role music had played in our relationships, and some users in the thread spoke of how they had sought out music as a refuge from the abuse they regularly faced at the hands of their partner.
the honesty and vulnerability of the people in that thread was rare. it was a seminal moment in my online life, where i felt that my connection with strangers was more than just a passing link based in a shared interest, that we had actually developed a bond by pushing beyond what our normal boundaries could tolerate.
years later, what.cd was shut down and then deleted, the forums along with it. i don’t remember the names or usernames of the people in that thread, i have no way of looking back and cringing at my own contributions, no connection to these people or that time beyond what i remember. what.cd has been essentially replaced in the private torrent tracker community by a place called red and a place called apollo, and they both have power users and private forums for those power users. i like to imagine that they have similar threads running, with similar connections being made.
a few days ago a friend of mine on facebook posted that no one had made them a playlist in a while, so i figured i would make them a playlist and share it here. i thought it would tie in nicely to the story above because since my time on what.cd, i’ve built a very large network of people that i am deeply connected to via the internet.
playlist:
P4rkr - [i hate it here CD1 #01] i hate it here
dltzk - [Teen Week CD1 #04] dysphoria
Corbin - [Mourn CD1 #03] Giving Up
Yves Tumor - [Heaven To A Tortured Mind CD1 #02] Medicine Burn
Mac Miller - [Circles CD1 #02] Complicated
93FEETOFSMOKE; ShiniGami - [it never rains anymore CD1 #01] it never rains anymore
Have a Nice Life - [Deathconsciousness CD1 #02] Bloodhail
Ichiko Aoba - [アダンの風 CD1 #08] Sagu Palm's Song
slowthai, James Blake, Mount Kimbie - [TYRON CD2 #06] feel away
Blood Orange - [Cupid Deluxe CD0 #05] It Is What It Is
James Blake - [James Blake CD3 #09/13] To Care (Like You)
Oklou - [Galore #05] Galore
Haiti Babii - [Trap Art CD1 #11] Roses
Haux - [Violence in a Quiet Mind CD1 #07] Craving
Mitski - [Be The Cowboy CD1 #08] Come Into the Water
mega: https://mega.nz/folder/zJtyjZaQ#_7BWu_f6PPLtjmJD6AjM4w
youtube: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL4bUgvWbrZGKFvktpOBQGToI0-oIvYO8P